Becoming ME – A Never Ending Journey


Yesterday, which happened to be Easter, I came to a realization about myself: I don’t give up. This is actually a really good thing, even though at the time I came to this realization, it was not in a state of gratitude. I was actually in a state of distress. I do a lot of things because I have an interest in a lot of things (and I also have some responsibilities – as much as I wish I didn’t).  So I am really busy on a consistent basis and I never have the time to read one of the 25 books that I have started.  My free time is spent trying to determine the best way for me to be of service to others and help them live their best life. It’s my passion, but it’s also more than that, I firmly believe that it’s my purpose.

Anyway, back to my realization. I felt a tremendous weight on my shoulders yesterday as I looked back over the last couple of years of my life. I have had my fair share of uphill battles in relationships, achievements, money and health. However, up until these last few years, all my “battles” have been short lived or not really much of a battle at all. I tend to be really competitive with myself. I have to do my very best at everything that I attempt and if I don’t, then I’m disappointed. I don’t have to win every time, but I do need to give my all.  Usually, that leads to a fairly quick “win” and several small successes over time. Yesterday, I was looking at myself in the mirror and thinking about the weight that I’m going to lose before summer and how my clothes will fit so much better. Then I realized that I have been telling myself that I’m going to lose weight and be “smaller” for over 7 months now. For some background on this, I have been kickboxing 6 times a week now for over 7 months. I absolutely love it and I’m really, really strong. The problem is that I have lost only 5 lbs and have not dropped any pants sizes (or dress sizes) at all. My body looks different, but there’s still a “mommy belly” there and my thighs are touching (OMG!)!  Ok, so my thighs touching is not a big deal, and really none of it gets to me – usually – but yesterday was different.

Stressed woman pic

After thinking that I had been telling myself this for over 7 months (and literally working my butt off – which actually is bigger now!) to lose the weight and inches, I started thinking about my life coaching business. It’s been almost 2 years now. I wake up excited almost every day to contribute to the world as a life coach. Yet, I have not made enough money consistently doing it to quit my full-time job. The successes there are feast or famine, and again, I’m working my butt off to make this happen!  Then, of course, since I was in a downward spiral of thinking, I went on to think about my relationships and how they’re not where I want them to be and how I only get half the time with my kids and it was feeling heavier and heavier by the second as I thought: “I can’t lose weight, I’m not a good partner, I miss my kids, I can’t be a success at what I want to do… etc. etc.”.

Then I thought, “Well, what good is crying about all this doing right now? (I was literally crying at that point). It’s not like I’m going to stop doing any of it. I’m not going to stop going to 9 Round (kickboxing), I’m not going to “close” my life coaching business (just thinking about that crushes my drive & passion at a soul level), I’m not giving up on my relationships with the important people in my life and I’m certainly not going to sulk around the house the entire time the kids are gone!”  So I centered myself and allowed myself to be grateful for the fact that I won’t give up. I won’t stop doing the things that are meaningful to me and I won’t give up in any way – whether that’s through escaping (drugs/alcohol) or just throwing in the towel. There’s no joy or integrity in that.

So even though I may or may not lose the weight I want to lose by summer, and I may or may not be making hundreds of thousands of dollars one day or I may or may not reach thousands of people with messages of joy and living their best life.  But I know one thing is for sure: I can count on me to be ME and not give up on my dreams for anyone or anything – even my own self-pity.

So being your authentic self and standing in your truth and power is a never-ending process. Just don’t give up. I decided that I needed to start doing something different yesterday – as I had hit rock bottom in what I have been doing and cannot continue in that way. That doesn’t mean that I’m starting over, it just means that I’m taking a new approach to my life and changing a few things about my daily existence.  I hope you’ll take the time to find what ignites your passion and drive and that you are able to live your life without ever giving up on yourself.
Much Love,

Rachael

 

Also I have decided to offer a group coaching program around Passion Purpose and Drive specifically to offer people an affordable way to find out what their passion really is so they won’t give up either. Click here to find out more.

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