So this excerpt from my personal “diary” (really, if something awesome happens and I want to record it, I pick up the nearest electronic device or go to the nearest computer and start typing about it – so it’s more like personal notes that I keep in a folder on Google Drive). Nonetheless, this excerpt is probably one of the most vulnerable posts that I’ve had so far on this blog. However, I’m ready to share it because it clearly articulates the day that I shifted my perspective and started living a life from an empowered perspective.
How does this relate to anger? Well, once I shifted my perspective to understand that I was actually in control of my entire life and that my experiences (no matter how negative they seemed to be) were actually lessons designed to help me grow, I was able to put everything into perspective and begin looking for the positive in each and every experience. This is something that I still actively practice today and will continue to practice for the rest of my life, but I would not be on this journey if it weren’t for this epiphany on this October morning in 2013:
October 9, 2013
I get it! I finally get it. It makes complete and total sense. When they say ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ there’s more to it. Things just keep happening and happening in my life. The divorce, not finding a job with two master’s degrees and over 10 years work experience. The custody battle that I’ve lost half of so far! All the abuse in the relationships I’ve had over the years…. Until this morning, today, I did not view this as something positive. But today, my outlook is completely different.
I believe that we are in control of our lives. I believe that we all contribute to our own success or failure, but that we also all need help with certain situations. I also believe that things happen “for a reason.” I have always been so passive, helpful and just an outright people pleaser. My assertiveness was at a 2 on a scale from 1-10. Today it’s different. I felt actual bliss for the first time this morning as I put together what these most recent experiences mean to me. I have been knocked down emotionally and now that I am getting back up, I am feeling stronger than ever. You see, I needed this stuff to happen to me. I needed to be knocked down to the point that I would actually stand up for myself and use the strength inside me that I never knew existed. Time after time, month after month now for over 2 years, I have shown myself what I am truly made of. I have grown tremendously as a person, despite the unthinkable agony of the situation as a whole. This situation has happened for me, not to me! I feel so strong, empowered and liberated today and nothing victorious has even happened yet! I haven’t launched my first major campaign for my business, I am headed to court in less than 10 days knowing that the judge is going to rule in my ex-husband’s favor on our current case and I still work full-time at a job that pays less than half what I’m “worth” (according to my degrees and average salaries for someone with as much education as I have). Yet I feel like I’m stronger and more self-assured today than I have ever been. I will never be the one to be run over or used by others again. I have a sense of complete self-worth and I sit here today knowing that no matter what gets in my way, I will be able to push through and make my life exactly what I want it to be. There is nothing in the world that takes the place of experience. I have been “acting as if” I am strong, powerful and assertive in one area of my life over the past two years (left a difficult marriage, stood up for myself and kids in the divorce and now custody battle) and it has rolled over into other areas of my life. At first, very subtly, but now, it’s become a part of who I am.
So, thank you hard life, for showing me (or rather, making me prove to myself) that I am a strong, empowered, yet good hearted woman who is worth every bit of the love, compassion and success that she desires.
Thanks for reading. Next, I’ll post some tips on how to start to shift your perspective to reduce the anger and stress in your life too!by